1.     Always ask for your dressing on the side. Trust me. Even if you’ve requested half the normal amount of dressing, you still are going to want your lettuce to not be floating in an ocean of caesar.

2.     It’s really difficult to find dark green lettuce. Or hummus. At least within a five mile radius of a mall.

3.     Try not to smack the kids at *insert unnamed restaurant here* who pronounce Minestrone as “min-est-rohn.”

4.     Don’t ask to try “just one grit.” It doesn’t work that way.

5.     Piggly Wiggly doesn’t carry that soy milk you’re looking for – but if you’re looking for chitlins or gizzards, check it out.

6.     Avoid the numerous street corners lined with Bojangle’s. The smell is intoxicating and might be enough to make you crack. (Although I’ve proudly refrained thus far.)

7.     Beware: These people are sweet tea pushers. Just say No!  

8.     Stock up on your Emer-Gen-C stash before arrival. It’s difficult to find.

9.     If you’re skinny, they try to tie you down and force feed fried food down your gullet.

10.   If you say you don’t eat dairy products, they don’t think that cheese counts.