So – Truth?
Everyone who hears about the trip Matt and I are on says, “You guys are LIVING THE DREAM!” Yeah, I guess so. But this trip has been challenging. I don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for us . . . we’ve basically been on vacation for the last five months. Of course we have good days. We have some great days . . . but we have a lot of just okay days.
And having okay days is . . . well – it’s okay, as in – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having just a plain ole okay day where nothing amazing happens. I suppose I’m accustomed to meeting fascinating people and having a bunch of random, crazy adventures. But a lot of days, those fascinating people and random, crazy adventures just don’t find us. Which is kind of weird because I feel like usually they do.
And then I wonder where all the adventure went. Are we moving too quickly through our trip? Just skimming the surface? I crave for some-thing to happen against the background of all that unique and beautiful European architecture, ya know, but sometimes the only thing happening against that background is me, fighting all the old battles within myself. Wondering where the hell we are going to live when this is all over. Missing my cat, missing my home, wondering how I’m going to make a living doing this writing thing. Trying to be a better wife, friend and person and often falling way short.
Sometimes, as we hit another European city and I see another mall with all the same god-damned stores (H & M, f’reals) that are exactly like every version of the same god-damned stores in every other city in the world, I think, “What the fuck am I doing out here?” That ennui really hits when we see Hard Rock Cafe – and they are in every touristy part of every big city. I know, stay away from the touristy parts of town. And a lot of times we do.
So, I guess this IS a travel blog, but I don’t want to give touristy reviews on all the regular shit out here in the world, all the same old crap that has been blogged about ad nauseum. I’m just lady who is trying to get her shit together, keep her depression at bay and do something different than hit every single tourist attraction out there. Because an exclusive traveling life of visiting historic monuments, sitting around eating rich meals and then having too many drinks in yet another bar gets old real fast. I like having life missions and I crave finding more of them.
When I was in Iceland, I saw a motivational poster on the wall of a sweet little hostel by the Keflavik airport. It said, “Happiness isn’t having everything you want. Happiness is wanting everything you have.” I really hold those words close to my heart right now. I thought this trip would shake me up, make me blissfully happy. In some moments, it does. Many times, just like regular life though, it’s work. This little adjustment fills me with contentment in between the blissful and magical moments.
Cuz, let’s face it: if every single moment was magical, synchronous, blissful or amazing, that too would get boring and the magic ‘receptors’ would get blown out.
I want everything I have right now, except for this damn sinus infection I’ve been fighting for almost two weeks. I’m over that.
We are about to start slowing down, staying in places longer. Love more. Help more. Heal more. Reveal more. Learn more. Shine more. So here’s me, a very lucky lady, wanting everything I’ve got, but often craving just a little bit more of the good stuff, ready to sprinkle a little more magic all around.
What about you? What do you crave more of? What’s your mission? What do you do on your okay days? Tell us in the comments below.