My husband and I are *the* most Caucasian People in Singapore right now, I guarantee it.

We have traveled to this equatorial city-state to be a part of a very traditional Chinese wedding. (Well, except that the groom is American.) One of Matt’s best friends, Blair, is getting married and so we decided to bring the most American thing we could think of – fortune cookies. We marched right on down to the Peking Noodle Company in downtown Los Angeles and bought a case of 380 fortune cookies for $11.95.

IMG_2465  When Matt rocked up to check his bag at the airline counter, the Cathay Pacific lady straight up  laughed at us. “They do have fortune cookies in Singapore you know,” she said.

“Yeah, well, not American ones,” Matt said. “This is my carry on,” he added, cradling his precious box of cookies.

“No,” she said, “You are not carrying that on the plane.” So we checked them, along with a suitcase containing a bunch of liquor, several boxes of girl scout cookies and a ten pound box of grits from South Carolina. (My husband refuses to leave the States without copious amounts of grits.) The girl scout cookies were my idea.

We arrived at Changi Airport 8,769 miles and twenty hours later. We hopped on the Singapore subway system, suitcases and case of fortune cookies in tow and headed to our friend’s neighborhood of Ang Mo Kio. Matt and I are used to lots of stares in foreign countries, mostly because of his bright red chops – they straight up scare and/or mesmerize people, especially the elderly and children.

One woman’s eyes bugged out and kept flipping back and forth between his facial hair to the Peking Noodle Company box. By the time Blair walked down to the subway station to meet us, we were tired, hot and I had a migraine that had already made me puke once. So, we made Blair carry his own damn wedding fortune cookies home.

I told him what the Cathay Airlines lady said. Apparently they do have them here in Singapore but they are $20 for about ten of them. So ours ARE better. So there, smarty pants Cathay Airlines ticket counter lady. Take that.

Then Blair patted his gift box of fortune cookies and said, “But you do realize we are the most Caucasian people in Singapore right now, carrying around these things. Plus, my neighborhood Ang Mo Kio literally means ‘red-haired Caucasian {big bad nasty Chinese racial slur}.'”

Ang Mo Kio, hide yo wife, hide yo kids – the red-haired devils have arrived.