On a film production, the office space is always in some dirty, janky hole. The wiring and computers are never quite ergonomically set-up, there are always some kind of little annoying hoops to jump through and we all just kind of deal with it because the nature of our jobs are reactionary and very temporary. I’ve battled sandstorms, critters, paint fumes, lack of windows and insane property owners in the past . . . here’s the list of annoyances and funny details about this particular place.
1. The Asbestos! There are notices pasted on the walls cautioning that any dust created here could release asbestos. Great! (I think you’re OK if you don’t lick the windowsills, but I’ve taped everything to my walls in lieu of thumb-tacking.)
2. Hot Water Heater and Cardboard box holding pen = same tiny closet. That’s smart.
3. The front door handle mysteriously broke yesterday. Great, one more thing. You can get inside, but you just can’t leave.
4. The lamp lights flicker (only in my windowless room) in tandem with the copy machine. Every day I have a seizure right around noon.
5. A family of hawks live on top of the building.
6. The upside down bathtub in the parking lot has been here for at least two years – left behind by a different film company.
7. Betty White is tired of your shit! It’s true. The sign in the women’s restroom says so.
8. The Indian sari that hangs on my office wall is a portal to another dimension. (Just checkin’ to see if you are paying attention.)
9. The carpet smells kinda funny from when the place had homeless squatters living here.
10. We have an infestation of palmetto bugs . . . in the water fountain.